Come on. I could hardly care less what two consenting adults do with each other in private in their free time, as long as neither of them is my spouse. All that the New York Times did to John McCain with its recent sexual expose was give him a bounce in his fund-raising -- at last, Americans behaving like the French! -- and some out-of-character TLC from Rush Limbaugh.

OK, I admit up front that I don't have time today to answer this question. I have a gazillion deadlines to meet connected with my work.

But I have already made up my mind, and I am addressing this post to all of you Kansans who have already made up your minds, too. If you believe that coal is worse than wind, please read on.

Here we are. It's the night of the Iowa caucuses and nobody's making any firm predictions on either side of the aisle. What a delightful dilemma for us Americans this year. Too many good candidates to choose from! So I got to thinking--why not give as many of them as possible a job in the next administration? So here is my (mostly serious) list of candidates that I see taking a role in the country's affairs for the next four years.

Somebody just gave me a countdown-to-inauguration-day calendar for 2008 from Blue Funk Productions. It has produced in me a laugh a minute and a pain-stricken howl maybe every other minute. It has also gotten me to thinking once again about the Race to End All Races.

The problem is this: I've got problems with almost every top-tier candidate there is.

Have you ever thought about how easy it would be to rig a national election? With the way our electoral system works, all you need to do is choose one state and swing the election your way in that one state and voila! You wake up one morning the duly elected American President. Or you wake up with your party in control of the Senate, the House, or all of the US Congress.

Ah, the 2008 elections -- can they come soon enough? I have been thinking about what we'll need in our next President, and I humbly submit for your consideration the following six qualifications: genuine intellect, mental flexibility, political imagination, hard-headed realism, respect for life, and respect for the Constitution. Now let me elaborate...

Buffalo Bill Cody, Wild Bill Hickok, and General George Armstrong Custer all are connected with the history of my hometown. Buffalo Bill founded it in the late 1860s, Wild Bill was its sheriff for awhile, and General Custer with his Seventh Cavalry was stationed at nearby Fort Hays. So I come by my big-screen love affair with Westerns naturally, and I was one of the weekend movie-goers who boosted "3:10 to Yuma" to its top slot in weekend movie ticket sales. I went for entertainment and was entertained, even though I had to avert my eyes at times. The film was far more violent than I had supposed it would be. Still, I am not naive and I know they'll never again make Westerns the way they used to. Nor should they, if revisionist history makes any sense at all - which it does.

First, Partying Paris read the Bible in jail. Now, Dogfighting Michael Vick says he's found Jesus. Let's hope Jesus made a bigger impression on Vick than the Bible did on Hilton, who hasn't had much time for reading since serving her sentence.

So Katie Couric will be reporting from Iraq all this week...

Will all those with delicate ears please leave the room? I am about to say something that nice nuns shouldn't say.

The most ignorant, mean-spirited person I ever met in my life was a bag boy at a local grocery store. He attended a high school whose name shall go unmentioned, but as a representative of that school he soon made me wonder what the heck they are teaching over there. Before I met him, I had always held great respect for both high schools in my fair city. Anyway, this boy was ever so quick to voice an opinion on all social and political issues, but somehow every single social and political issue trapped inside his skull was subordinated in importance to but one issue alone: what he termed "killing babies."

OK, so shoot me. I used to be a teacher and I love making up quizzes. How well do you know Iraq by the numbers? I recently found an excellent article at AlterNet, on which I have based the following quiz.