Ken's World
(Colby Free Press published in 2003)

It‚s time to have some fun with words and ideas. The parody that follows is a lot closer to the truth than our political and economic system would like to admit.

The following in no way is meant to question my English teachers' efforts. What they were able to accomplish in their effort to educate me is quite commendable. After all, I was just as stubborn, opinionated, and willing to voice my opinions then as now. There are only two of my English teachers still around to wonder at what they had a part in creating or allowing. They were responsible for my curriculum studies from 4th through the 8th grades in Gem Consolidated School. I wish to say thank you to both of them for their patience and diligence in holding not only myself but all their students to a standard of achievement that was measurable, even without the Quality Performance Accreditation (QPA) standards of today. I have my own words to put with that little set of letters, Quite Profound Abstruseness. Forget all the posturing and just give the kid a test. If he answers the questions correctly, you taught him something. If he can't answer the questions, you better try again.

Thank you again, Ila Saddler and Maxine Starkey, you did a better job than the following construction might indicate.

Rithim n meter
Wuz only fer teacher
Tha rymin of words
Fer wimps n the nerds
I learnt ta use tha hammer
Had no use fer tha grammer

My intrust fer shure
Wuz cows n the pasture
Field n plow n the tractor
But histrees a factor
As I've told you before
I could not just ignore

I need a ghost writer
Who will lissen awhile
And record for me now
With balance and style
With grammer and spellin
And punctwashion that's right
but
Some things I've observed
As I've traveled this road
From my youth to old age
Cannot be made pretty
With poetry or with prose
The facts are all there
And cannot be ignored

Fat cats n ristocats n byura cats
Fair sumpshusly fine
At tha banqwit table
While tha barn n store room n galley cats
Keep tha varmits n tha vermin
Out a pantree n kitchun n banqwit room

Kings n politicians n bureaucrats
an tha Landed gentry
Are quick with great wisdom
To make speeches n build armies
for Defendin their wealth
While peasants n commners
Provide horsepower n grist
To oprate tha mill
For the eletes pockuts to fill

The Patriarchs draw maps
And arrange coalitions
While the boys of the clan
With blood sweat and tears
Defend the bound'ries
And deliver the spoils

Now try as I might,
Even all through the night.
Rhythm meter and rhyme
Can't erase for all time
Those things I have learned.
The degree I have earned
Doesn't hang on the wall.
But, I'm not worried at all.

The lessons of life
Will free me from strife.
Because, I know without doubt
What life's all about.
With God's promise of grace
I'll have a secure place.
After my life is all over,
I'll be in tall clover.