We'd sleep in the same room and race to fall asleep while enjoying Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Silent Night or Santa and his Old Lady - look it up.

It was so fun to listen to those songs. You knew when you heard them that the time to open presents wasn't far way. My brother came along and we continued it for a while, but eventually we got older.

I am beginning to tear up writing this because this part of the year meant so much to me. It still does, religiously. But as far as being able to smile on Christmas Day or even enjoy the Christmas music the night before is actually hard to do for the first time in my life.

Growing up has provided me different pleasures during this time of year. I have a 6-year-old daughter which has been captured on videotape enjoying her presents Christmas morning for about six years. The same for my other two children for about the same amount of years. I enjoyed their excitement. It's going to be hard to do that this year, if at all.

There are others out there who will feel the same pain as I. They will fight to just keep the electricity on in their home or pay the mortgage for the month. They will find it hard to pay for groceries or for clothes to just stay warm. I feel for them. I always have.

Now, I share some of those same pains.

I fought long and hard on whether I should write this post, but I felt it needed to get off my chest. As I cry, I type. I feel the release while my family sleeps, not knowing the pain and torment I am fighting with. It's that hard.

Politics doesn't get me. I feel as I have let down my family. They say I haven't, but you know how it feels if you don't come through when you expect to. No, wanting to be the superman for the family is what I strive for. It hurts when reality deals you a swift blow.

I am not a superman. I am human. I have feelings and emotions. I hurt like everybody else does. However, I consider myself unselfish because I think of my family first. It's just hard to come with the answers at this moment to make things better. I thought I had them. I was proven wrong twice. Now, I sit out of work.

As December 1st comes, I change my train of thought. Instead of looking forward to Christmas Eve and the night of music I am now looking to get by as quickly as possible. I want this month to pass so fast. I don't want to have it tear me up each day as it gets closer.

But I feel it will. It is now...

I want to wish every single person who read this blog post a Merry Christmas. No matter what we disagree on or how we feel about politics, I can put aside those differences and watch as you and yours enjoy a part of the year I looked forward to the most. I can take excitement out of that, knowing that there is happiness left. That we can exist, celebrating the true meaning of what Christmas is. Getting this out of the way early is an attempt to just let people know I really wish good things for them, but this year I'll be focused on politics more than anything else.

I take pride in what I do. I don't get paid for it. I just write. I research. I investigate. It eases me to know I am helping people who need it. I provide the Christmas gift of knowledge and that, my friends, is power. I don't seek compensation. I just do it.

Personally, I pray each night that a miracle will come for me and my family. I don't ask when, but I get a little demanding sometimes. This is one of those times. All I want to do is help keep family tradition alive for one more year. Keep the happiness alive one more Christmas.

Many years ago, I looked forward to shopping with my mother and father. It will not happen this year with my children. The older ones get it.

My youngest doesn't know.

I pray that she gets by this year with Santa Claus taking care of it all.