Amy's Response:

Dear Victim?:

First of all, thank you. I hope your letter will be posted on college bulletin boards everywhere.

Were you a victim? Yes.

First, you were a victim of your own awful judgment. Getting drunk at a frat house is a hazardous choice for anyone to make because of the risk (some might say a likelihood) that you will engage in unwise or unwanted sexual contact.

You don't say whether the guy was also drunk. If so, his judgment was also impaired.

No matter what -- no means no. If you say no beforehand, then the sex shouldn't happen. If you say no while its happening, then the sex should stop.

According to the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network Web site (rainn.org):

"Alcohol and drugs are not an excuse -- or an alibi. The key question is still: Did you consent or not? Regardless of whether you were drunk or sober, if the sex is nonconsensual, it is rape. However, because each state has different definitions of "nonconsensual," please contact your local center or local police if you have questions about this. (If you were so drunk or drugged that you passed out and were unable to consent, it was rape. Both people must be conscious and willing participants.)"

Go to your college's health department to be tested for STDs and pregnancy. See a counselor to determine how you want to approach this. You must involve the guy in question in order to determine what happened and because he absolutely must take responsibility and face the consequences for his actions, just as you are prepared to do. He may have done this before.

According to the Washington City Paper, "Dickinson has declined to print any of the letters criticizing her response to the rape question, but she has responded personally to one concerned reader. “Did you even read my column?” Dickinson shoots back, before criticizing the reader for not being “more educated, careful, respectful and circumspect” in her criticisms of Dickinson’s advice. E-mail exchange after the jump."

Reader writes in:

From: [Redacted]
Sent: Saturday, November 28, 2009 2:33 PM
To: ctc-askamy
Subject: Please pass this on to the rape victim you attacked in your Nov. 27 column

Here is the Virginia code’s definition of “Rape”;

“A. If any person has sexual intercourse with a complaining witness who is not his or her spouse or causes a complaining witness, whether or not his or her spouse, to engage in sexual intercourse with any other person and such act is accomplished (i) against the complaining witness’s will, by force, threat or intimidation of or against the complaining witness or another person, or (ii) through the use of the complaining witness’s mental incapacity or physical helplessness, or (iii) with a child under age thirteen as the victim, he or she shall be guilty of rape.”

If the lady who wrote to you asking for help never gave consent and thus had sex against her will (see 1) OR if she was too incapacitated by alcohol to legally consent (see 2), she most certainly was raped and she should know that the law is on her side, even if you aren’t.

Oh, and you’re being talked about here:

http://jezebel.com/5414393/ask-amy-to-date-rape-victim-first-you-were-a-victim-of-your-own-awful-judgment

Couldn’t happen to a nicer rape apologist.

Dickinson responds:

From: ctc-askamy [mailto:askamy@tribune.com]
Sent: Sat 11/28/2009 3:56 PM
To: [Redacted]
Subject: RE: Please pass this on to the rape victim you attacked in your Nov. 27 column

Did you even read my column? I quoted extensively from the Rape, Incest and Abuse Hotline’s definition of rape and suggested that she check her state’s laws? Where I said that if she says no at any point, it’s rape? I don’t know if you didn’t bother to read my column or if perhaps it was edited heavily in your paper, but please . . . how dare you call me a “rape apologist.”

I see you are a student or affiliated in some way with [law school]? I would expect someone from [law school] to be more educated, careful, respectful and circumspect. I’m not sure why I would expect that, but I’ll adjust. Meanwhile, I don’t pass inanities along to people who write in to my column. I figure this young person has suffered enough indignity.

Amy Dickinson

WOW!

After the column ran, Amy gave a letter of apology to the advice-seeker, you can see it below:

Dear Amy: I am absolutely appalled at your answer to a recent letter from "Victim? In Virginia."

This letter was from a college student who got drunk at a frat party and was then raped by a guy she met there.

You didn't even seem to care about what happened to this young person.

Did it even occur to you that she might have been drugged at this party? You were more focused on blaming her for drinking than answering her question in a responsible way.

I am disgusted at your answer and think you owe her an apology.

-- Disgusted

Dear Disgusted: To recap, "Victim" asked a very serious question in a very thoughtful way. She said she had gotten drunk at a frat party and went to a bedroom with a guy.

After saying in advance that she didn't want to have sex, she did have sex.

The letter writer didn't lose consciousness and she didn't indicate she thought she had been drugged. She was intoxicated.

She was wondering if what happened to her qualified as rape and she was wondering what she should do next.

In my answer, I told her that "no means no" -- before or during sex, sober or drunk (I assume the guy had also been drinking).

I told her that she had been raped, and I included information from the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (rainn.org) to further educate her about this.

I told her to go to her student health center and seek medical and emotional support and counseling and to get advice from professionals at school.

I told her that the perpetrator should be confronted by authorities at school because he might have done this before and might do it again unless he is stopped.

Unfortunately, I started my answer by expressing frustration at her judgment to get drunk at a frat house, calling it "awful." This is the part of my answer that has enraged readers, who have accused me of "blaming the victim."

As a mother (and stepmother) to five daughters -- four in college -- I have counseled (and worry about) all of my many daughters because of how vulnerable they are if they choose to drink. Drinking to intoxication poses very serious security issues for our daughters and sons, because being drunk impairs judgment and the ability to discern risk.

Because "Victim" wondered where the line was, I tried to draw it for her. My intent was to urge her (as I often urge readers) to take responsibility for the only thing she could control -- her own choices and actions -- but I regret how harshly I expressed this.

I certainly didn't intend to offend or blame her for what happened, and I hope she will do everything possible to stay safe in the future.

I'm grateful that she chose to share her question with all of us, because talking about it will help others

.

So, Many papers, even with her response are not happy that she never really gave a full-blown apology to the victim, so they are calling for the Chicago Tribune to make her give a statement.

If you did not like her apology or the advice, visit Change.org and sign the petition that they have!

To Sign the Petition, please click here.

To read the "Out-Rage" from numerous blogs and newspapers, click each of the names, Change.org, and Jezebel!

LA Times, Washington City Paper, and other sites where not to happy as well.

What are your thoughts?