This is a good message also for those of us who will be spending Thanksgiving with family.

I, for one, will be surrounded by family members whose political opinions are very different from mine. I already have made it a habit over the years to just change the subject and take the "high road" when the recriminations begin. Your reminder of its importance and relationship to peace is important.

I often have to delete comments at KFP or EC when people use 'ad hominem' criticisms of one another. Just a couple of weeks ago, I had to delete a comment made at KFP by someone I know and respect because he had used an 'ad hominem' against a KFP writer. In other words, the commenter had said, "I don't like [people like you]." While it wasn't over the top in that he hadn't used curse words or inflammatory words, he had still attacked the writer's personhood, rather than the writer's ideas or concepts.

Later, I was questioned by a friend of that commenter about why I felt it necessary to remove that commenter's sentence. Here's what I wrote, in part, by e-mail, in response:

I wanted to reach out to you personally so that you understand why I removed that previous comment. ...

...It may seem like a fine line, but from the start... I have wanted to encourage people to avoid attacking one another and stick to attacking each other's ideas instead. I envision that we can do better by not saying things like "I don't like you" but rather, saying things like "I don't agree with your point of view."

...the line has to be drawn somewhere and that's where I draw it.

Philosophically, I believe that if we try our best to express our dislike of ideas rather than people, we will find more solutions, more peace, and less overall war.

The answer to peace lies somewhere in our day-to-day regard for one another and, particularly, our regard for those with whom we may disagree.

I can appreciate that sexist patriarchal cultures which tend to view human transactions in terms of one-upmanship would then encourage women (and other oppressed classes) to apologize (and in so doing to take the one-down position). And I applaud women (and any minority class) who reject that indoctrination.

Having said that, I don't perceive the American body politic as one where apologies come in abundance — by either gender.

When I attend family gatherings, I try to stay away from political discussions. We have so much more to talk about--grandchildren, work, scbool activities--that's there's no real need to get into political discussions. However, if someone else injects a political issue into the conversation, I don't shy away from it.

As for lack of apologies in the body politic, I agree those don't come often enough and when they come, they come without sincerity a lot of the time. I didn't get into that in this column. I wanted to say something about my personal relationships and the one-up/one-down position and how I learned to be on an equal footing with others. I have seldom been intentionally rude to people, but I do hold my own when I see the need to do so. I also apologize when I think it's the right thing to do. My apologies are sincere, not political.

Diane, thank you for calling attention to the distinction between one's personal life and one's role as a citizen in society. How we comport ourselves in our interpersonal relationships — especially in the context of family — involves an entirely different dynamic. True enough.

I should have been mindful of this in my comment above. Thanks again.