Girls Have Unrealistic Expectations: Can We Have It All?

According to Salon.com, "The headmistress of a girls' school in Britain has spoken out, arguing we should be doing the opposite: telling girls they very well might not be able to "have it all." Instead of the fist-pumping mantra of "you can do it," Jill Berry, president of the Girls' Schools Association, essentially suggests a wry "yeah, good luck with that."

Tell me my dreams are unrealistic, and I'll tell you yours aren't big enough. - Anonymous

"They will need to realize that there may be times when they might not want to work, or they might want to take a lesser job because their priorities have changed," she told the weekly Times Educational Supplement.

"It is important that they leave school at 18 with their eyes open."

What does that say about girls and self-esteem? Do you think she is correct?

Berry is not undermining a girls potential, she just wants them to have realistic expectations about the workforce and the people in it. She doesn't want them to "blame themselves" if live becomes challenging, just to realize, that's how it is for women.

"Women can feel very guilty, whatever path they choose," she said. "It is as if they have somehow compromised their principles. What we can do as teachers is prepare them to have aspirations, but not aim for perfection."

She doesn't want them to settle either, she wants them to have fair expectations not only of themselves, but their partners as well.

"There is nothing wrong with them saying 'I need to work part-time' or 'I need a significant degree of support in order to enable me to do my career and have children,'" she said. "If you choose someone who undervalues you, you won't be able to have the support you might need."

Basically, if your partner doesn't respect you as a career women or mother, your going to have to take one for the team, trade one to for the other.

Tracy from Salon.com made an excellent point, "Maybe, just maybe if we were more honest with girls about the challenges that lie ahead, women would be less likely to blame themselves for ultimately falling short -- and more likely to fight for the support that mothers and families need."

My thoughts...

It's always interesting to hear a teacher both defend and criticize a culture that teaches young girls that they can "have it all", but demeans and oppresses them when they try too. I think the headmistress has a point. It's all great and dandy to tell young girls that "you can be whatever you want", but maybe we should re-word the message to say, "You can be whatever you want, but you have to realize there are going to be obstacles and challenges in your way, but don't let that stop you, you just have to fight harder, and prove to them you belong!" I don't think totally hurting the feelings of young children is the answer, but letting them know what the world is like, is not a problem. I think we want everyone to be able to succeed, but we have to let them in on the truth, not everyone will, but that doesn't make you less of a person, it just means you have to fight harder for dreams others get freely. That's part of life.

What do you think?

Do we give young girls unrealistic expectations about life? Will women ever be equal? Can they really balance it all?

If you would like to read the article, click here.

If you would like to read the Reuters article featuring the headmistress, click here.