In his new role as the party’s adult supervision, Newt is ready for his close-up. Down in Mississippi, Governor Haley Barbour is clearing his throat to channel the late Ed McMahon as second banana.

Sanford most definitely is not ready for primetime. He is scheduled for a press conference at 2 p.m. EST today. That’s a good ticket to have, since the media – following up on reports of a pattern of erratic behavior, leveled by other South Carolina Republicans – will be happy to take the high road with questions about dereliction of duty, in effect greeting with chainsaws a man who recently enjoyed the limelight as presidential timber. Sanford will shrug that the whole thing was way overblown. Even if he is in charge of emergency management in his state, the governor will argue, a leader under stress deserves to leave his phone in the car and blow off steam in South America.

Maybe so, but that would also confirm that Sanford is clueless about the next level. In American politics, we don’t do “underblown.”

When I think about this press conference, I am reminded of what Lyndon Johnson sometimes told colleagues and staffers whenever he understood that a total political disaster was about to happen.

“Better run get your brother for this one,” he’d say. Then he would tell a story about an applicant for the railroad company, fielding his final interview question. “If there was a train coming from the east on the same track with a train coming from the west, and the switcher is broken, what would you do?” the man was asked.

“Well, if the switcher is broken I would run and get my brother.”

“Does your brother know anything about railroad tracks?”

“No, but he’s never seen a train wreck before.”

Right now I think I’m going to find a place to watch television. Wish I had a brother.