Pirate Salah Haji Bahdon described his community of Eyl (a pirate haven, where many hijacked ships are harbored) as “a small paradise where people are oblivious of the problems going on in the other corners of Somalia.” No small feat, given the extent of those problems.

From frighteningly short life expectancies, to absent employment opportunities, legendary instability, and widespread violence, the picture often painted for a young Somali today is unimaginably dismal.

Needless to say, there are also many magnificent elements to Somali culture. “Poverty” doesn’t define them. A deep, abiding belief in Islam sustains many. Poetry, music, dance, strong clan structures and their attendant rituals complicate any exclusively destitute picture.

Nevertheless, their choice to become pirates is understandable. Some, no doubt, do it for the opulent lifestyle stealing from the wealthy enables—nice cars, big houses, cool guns, paradise really. Others promise magnanimous philanthropic gestures, like better roads and new schools.

Of course, as the attempted capture of the Maersk Alabama demonstrates, sometimes their ill-gotten booty is lifted from cargo ships destined for noble purposes. The Maersk was carrying food aid for Kenya. Who among us has not judged ethical ends without concern for just means?

Mohamed Abshir Waldo, a journalist and consultant from Kenya and of Somali origin, wrote an article accusing the world of ignoring “the other piracy” in Somalia. He views “illegal fishing piracy” by Europe, Arabia, and the Far East as particularly destructive.

Their “Illegal, Unreported and Unregulated” fishing vessels have virtually waged war against Somali fishers. Waldo also cites hazardous industrial, toxic, and nuclear waste dumping, which is devastating Somalia waters and land.

Many Somali pirates are “protecting their fishing grounds” and “exacting justice and compensation for the marine resources stolen and the destroyed ecosystem,” argues Waldo. One Somali pirate indicated that pirates have “very reliable support from the people on the ground,” confirming Waldo’s conclusions concerning local support.

A plethora of societal forces deliver willing recruits into the hands of this multimillion dollar “business.” Pirates then redistribute wealth to challenged Somalia, just like Robin Hood. While one’s mind might drift to Obama’s own Sherwood Forest, a different flight is possible.

Piracy is alive and well, flourishing here in America. We call it laissez-faire capitalism. Only in our version, the rich get to steal from the poor. Sounds like those Somali pirates who have become rich already are living large and emulating our own corporate pirates.

Aye, matey, doubloons aplenty!

Admittedly, our corporate pirates don’t usually use automatic weapons or rocket launchers, but please don’t underestimate their fortitude. They are just as sturdy and committed as any Somali fisher pirate. Their boardroom camaraderie is forged in today’s financial fires of hell.

Ask any purveyor of credit default swaps or mortgage-backed derivatives whether or not their pecuniary ends justify the obscene ends required to leverage our credit society beyond even the most fanciful paradise envisioned by our avaricious elite. Ain’t greed grand?

Let’s not kid ourselves, either. $80 million and a few fancy Somali homes don’t compare to the trillions pilfered right under our noses, with explicit permission from liberal and conservatives alike. And you call the fisher pirates bold. They don’t even compare to our corporate buccaneers.

“Piracy” is not a strictly accurate moniker for our brand of robbery. Piracy is accomplished without sovereign sanction, while privateering is the sport of Kings authorized by sovereigns like the Bushes or Billy-boy Clinton (the best Republican President since Nixon).

A recent 60 Minutes segment on gun shows asked why purchases are burgeoning. A regular refrain epitomizes our pirate cultural spirit. People are buying guns not despite, but because of our economic woes.

Said one would-be pirate, who views guns as insurance, "You could imagine if we truly had a collapse of the economy and it was hard to find food, those that did manage to hang onto food might find themselves in a precarious position."

From the executive offices of AIG to America’s heartlands, we love pirates. Some steal from the rich, others from the poor, and still others from anybody, for themselves. The capitalist core encourages a war of each against all, wherein we are taught to maximize profit no matter how much booty we be gettin’.

Somali pirates merely reflect in the mirror of our pirate souls.

Arr, me hearties, plunder on!

[N.B. Unassigned pirate quotations are from an AP interview, except the last one from 60 Minutes.]