Personally, I think the media just likes saying, "stimulus package." Last week, as we watched a news talk show, the female talking head gushed about "President Obama's big stimulus package!" Dottie looked at me and said, "That should be all over the Internet tomorrow." To my surprise, it wasn't. Perhaps there were too many similar videos and exasperations to single one out.

As we left the American Legion breakfast a few Sundays ago, I ran into my old friend, Fred Sager. I told him I was going home to show Dottie my stimulus package. Fred, not even hesitating, said, "Too bad. She'll probably have to settle for an IOU."

* * *

After viewing the picture seen round the world of Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps hitting that bong, it answered all my questions on his ability to devour a 12,000-calorie-a-day diet.

My favorite quote on all this was that the Olympic Committee did not consider marijuana a performance-enhancement drug. Perhaps the all-time understatement in the history of the Olympics.

* * *

A local Mexican eatery is proudly displaying a massage advertisement on their sign. I couldn't help but think of this scenario:

Customer on phone: I'll take a sancho, a taco, and some chips and cheese; and a massage.

Order taker: Is that here, or to go?

Customer: Please deliver to ...

I'm predicting a huge increase in tips for the delivery drivers.

* * *

After getting three bills for three different phones that added up to a car payment, we decided it was time to consolidate. This was all precipitated by a notice from our land line company (let's call them TT&A) that offered me a discount for my loyalty; and all I had to do was call a toll-free number to accept the offer. Well, if they really wanted to reward me, why didn't they just tell me they would credit my account and thank me?

Mission accomplished.

My bill was $69 a month, including taxes, franchise fees, repair fees and whatever else they add on the bill. My new bill was to be $50 plus fees, so I knew going in the savings would be limited.

After waiting 20 minutes, a lady started visiting with me about the other services offered by TT&A. I told her all I wanted was my "loyalty" discount, if it did not entail an oath of any kind. I was put on hold.

She came back to tell me that my billing would actually be $55 plus fees. I relayed to her that my new billing didn't sound like it would be much different than the old bill.

After 30-plus minutes, the "discount" was in place. She had the audacity to ask me if I would rate the service I received that day as excellent. I told her that after holding for 20 minutes for a rep to answer, then after, being repeatedly put on hold, I would rate the service as poor. She apologized and thanked me for calling.

A few weeks later, I received my discounted bill. My new bill was "lowered" from $69 to $89. Another call to TT&A customer service followed. It was explained to me that there were pro-rations on the bill that would be corrected with my next bill.

I asked and was reassured that my bill was paid in full and was not past due. I explained to the customer service person that since my bill was paid in full that any pro-rations on a "discounted" bill should make my bill cheaper. I soon grew weary of the process and hung up.

The next day, we visited a local provider. We visited face-to-face with a person, who is now my "phone" lady; I've written in the past about my car guy, my plumbing guy, my electric guy, my tire guy, et al. As I've said in the past, if you want to know who they are, e-mail or call me and I'll tell you their names.

Three phones. Same numbers. About a hundred bucks a month cheaper. Now, that's a stimulus package I can live with.