To combatants in the culture wars, despair not, the end is in sight. As red fades into blue and purple ascends, bigotry begins its slide into cultural oblivion where future generations will wonder how we ever could have been so ignorant.

To those future generations who look back at our barbaric eating practices and wonder why it took so damned long, beware the influence of hucksters bearing benighted "gifts" and masquerading as authority. Force of habit often overrides integrity and empathy.

To the "beasts" who bear the burden of this barbarism, persevere my friends, salvation sallies forth from the strangest of places, an overheated planet and a paradigmatic shift of human consciousness restoring human animals to their rightful place alongside you in this kingdom we call Earth.

To the newly reconstituted county commission in my county and those obstructionists who see only as far as their own backyards, may you find the vision necessary to recognize the global at the outskirts of our local community and the fortitude to fight just as valiantly for a greener energy future.

To Kathleen Sebelius, Rod Bremby, Mark Parkinson and my state's other fine environmental activists who continue to struggle mightily against Earl Watkins and his malevolent coal aspirations, may the New Year bring litigious and legislative success, cleaner air and a cooler planet.

To Rod Blagojevich who had the audacity to hope for a monumental payoff reminiscent of the great corrupt bosses of Chicago past and the insolent stupidity to do so on a phone you knew was tapped, may you go out like your idol, Elvis the King: alone, spent and on the throne.

To the top banking executives who last year received over $1.6 billion in bonuses, benefits, and salaries and this year helped derail our economy while destroying your banks, may you find yourselves perched on building ledges considering the honorable paths chosen by your predecessors in 1929.

To the working "poor" and ever-shrinking middle class who suffer untold hardship from this financial crisis, may we finally recognize the abject failure of supply-side economics and begin to throw economic lifelines to you, rather than adhering to the worst of lifeboat ethics.

To Mark Teixeira who epitomizes greed and avarice in the sport of greed and avarice, may you rot in Yankee hell. May your skills deteriorate and your team abominate. To the Stankees who just spent nearly a half-billion dollars on three players' salaries, may you forever suck. Go Sox!

To my eternal enemies and longtime whipping posts, Dick and George, who have done everything they could to lead this once-great nation into damnation and despair, may you finally reap the deadly harvest you both have sown and quaff deeply from its malignant brew.

To the religious extremists of Christianity, Islam, Judaism and science (to name but a few) whose unflinching devotion to your faiths drives you engage in horrific acts of supplication and violence, may you find enough love in your hearts to tolerate those with whom you disagree.

To the strong people of this resilient state, may my imminent departure in the coming year bring you all the relief you so desperately crave. Your regular criticism and occasional praise have taught me well and confirmed for me the enduring value of democratic discourse, no matter how painful.

To the FHSU community of which I was a proud part for the past decade, I guess the old adage is true -- we do hurt the ones we love. May you weather the impending budgetary crises with little damage and much determination, and may my ill-conceived disrobing become nothing more than a tasteless cautionary tale told to a flourishing university.

To the extraordinary electorate of these United States who found it in your hearts to elect Barack Obama our 44th president, congratulations. May you recognize we are only beginning our long road back from the abyss and must use whatever means necessary to climb to the mountaintop.

To Barack Obama, Joe Biden and the rest of their administration, the road is steep and the journey wearying. May you find the requisite strength and endurance to undo the staggering damage done over the last eight years and chart a course to the Promised Land for everyone. We shall overcome!