I will always value highly the opportunity to work with tremendous students, the generous funding and support that allowed me to help build a nationally renowned debate program, and the extraordinary professional relationships that pushed me to become a better academic and person.

The last claim, about becoming a better person, certainly will be challenged by those of you who have come to despise me, even before my transgressions at the CEDA national debate tournament in March.

Early on, after a confrontation with Gene Anderson, I received a death threat. I have never been shy about expressing my opinions. I was raised in a different culture, one which values openness and honesty. Still, that plain envelope with no return address gave me pause. Where was I?

I should have known my time here would be different when after only a couple of days, two of my new department colleagues likened my not wearing shoes in August to a previous graduate student who prowled the school cafeteria eating food left behind on trays. Where was I, indeed?

The hate mail became a regular feature of my life in Hays, especially after I accepted an invitation from John Montgomery to write a Local Voices column. I have cherished this opportunity, despite the vitriol it generates and the consternation that vitriol causes my wife, Kim.

Building and sustaining one of the most competitive debate teams in the country came at a terrifically high cost. From August until April for 10 years, I worked three times more hours on debate that I was paid. The work was unbelievably rigorous and took almost everything I had, intellectually and physically.

Twelve- to 14-hour competition days, four day weekends plus travel, and every weekend consumed by either tournaments or preparation took their toll over the 24 years I have been a college debate coach. I loved the work and the challenge. I especially enjoyed working with the students.

College debate has come under intense scrutiny since my trial by our viral media. Another in my long list of regrets is the harsh criticism aimed at my beloved activity. Ed Hammond is leading the charge to "reform" debate, and he is gravely misguided.

Debate has been my intellectual home since high school. I thought I was in a safe house when at a tournament. I thought I was among people who understood how important our activity was and how much we needed to protect it. I was sadly mistaken.

Hammond indicts this protective insularity as further proof that debate has gone astray. He is dead wrong. The harsh outside light of misinformed scrutiny will do far more damage than good.

Debate flourished as an enclave of genuine academic freedom and unfettered intellectual inquiry. His "movement" will destroy that if he is successful, though I doubt it will be. Debate always finds a way.

I said I was sorry for the damage done and I am, more than I could ever express. I am also intensely angry. I was tried in a media that is as slavishly devoted to titillation as it is committed to filling its now 24-hour "news" cycle. Media today is viral -- that is, irresponsible, voracious and deadly.

I am particularly angry a student and ex-coach could hold my university hostage to their perverse desire for retribution, orchestrate a media circus to inflict maximal damage, and that my administration would knowingly accede. I hoped for more from FHSU. I hoped for reciprocal loyalty and protection. Instead, I got a settlement.

Of course, I understand FHSU expected more from me, too. More than what, though? I sacrificed my personal life and my scholarship to build a great debate program. We were a tiny squad that won a national championship against the best schools in the country.

Students are not faint flowers who wilt at any criticism or the first utterance of profanity. They live online where they are constantly exposed to extreme sexuality, rampant nudity and language far coarser than I uttered.

For as long as I have been involved, debate has resisted that outrageous hypocrisy. We taught students in ways they could relate and in language they understood. We engaged them with relentless criticism and they were better for it. Debaters are among the best thinkers colleges help to educate today.

I truly regret that video engendered so much negative publicity for FHSU and debate, but I am not ashamed of who I am, nor am I apologetic for being the best teacher and coach I knew how to be.

And, I will not go gentle into that good night.