So, if you ever do get a text from me, it will most likely read something like this: nxu wtre cvur sviklrs t76mu ytrg? Translated: How does this #&%$ing thing work?

It is a well-known fact among family and friends, there is to be no talking in the room during the speeches. As two friends joined me on Monday night, they pronounced the obligatory disclaimer, "We promise not to talk during the speeches."

It was 6 p.m. C-SPAN was tuned in and as the first speaker strode to the microphone, my cell made its obnoxious announcement that a text was coming in. My first thought, "I paid my cell phone bill on time this month." I glanced at the cell screen. Simply stated, "No Talking!" Brother Lyle from Overland Park, knowing my routine all too well, had sent the message. And there was no talking.

* * *

My favorite quote came during the Democratic National Convention (big surprise) when Bill Clinton told the delegates and the nation, "People around the world are more impressed by our power of example than our example of power."

* * *

When Sarah Palin was announced as McBush's running mate, my first thoughts were "Democrats will have to concede ... the swimsuit competition."

* * *

Sen. Joe Lieberman began his speech to the Republican convention with "What's a Democrat like me doing here?" First of all, he's not a Democrat, he's an Independent. Secondly, he's a disloyal hypocrite. In 2006, when Lieberman was defeated in the Democrat primary and decided to run as an Independent, name one of the few senators who campaigned for him? You are correct if you answered, "Barack Obama." Nice way to show your appreciation, Joe.

* * *

I also will concede that John McCain gave one of his best speeches ever in accepting his party's nomination. I only dozed off twice during his speech. And to his credit, he only dozed off three times.

* * *

Rudy Giuliani showed he has the class of a cockroach when he belittled Barack Obama for his work as a coordinator for community service volunteers. Rudy is the darling of the conservative Christian right-wing family values crowd. Rudy, the guy who had his wife and girlfriend living with him in Gracie Mansion -- at the same time! Rudy, whose wife learned of their divorce from a press conference. OK, I apologize to cockroaches everywhere.

* * *

Most everyone expected Sen. Barack Obama to give a great acceptance speech, and he didn't disappoint the 80,000 people who attended in person or the millions who watched on television. Some commented that he "made a lot of promises." I replied there is much to be undone after eight years of the Bush administration. It's going to take a lot of promises and work to get our country on the correct path.

* * *

I found humor in McCain's line "I fought corruption." He must have forgotten about his role in the Keating Five scandal. "I looked for the enemy; then I looked in the mirror and saw it was me!"

* * *

One of the headlines concerning the GOP convention cited it as a "Whiter Shade of Pale." Although the Republicans did not release the makeup of their delegation, most independent sources counted 36 black delegates out of a 2,380 person delegation (about 1.5 percent). We have not come a long way, baby. Males outnumbered female delegates 2-1.

Minorities made up 44 percent of the Democratic National Delegation, including 24 percent African-American and 12 percent Hispanic delegates. The sexes were equally represented.

* * *

Sarah Palin is going to "change" Washington. She refused "The Bridge to Nowhere," but kept the money; using more than $20 million to build a road leading to the non-bridge. Remember the gov's chef she "fired?" Well, the chef was reassigned different titles, but guess what? She kept cooking for the gov's family. And she hired one of them nasty lobbyists for a town of 5,000 or 6,000 or 8,000 (the population seems to grow exponentially from the time of her nomination) and received $27 million in earmarked funds from the feds.

Now, that's the kind of change you can bank on.