Or even let Les know. (Most people are unaware that Lester has been pregnant many times, has never aborted anything of significance, nor was himself aborted.)

If things worsen, and more and more cafeterians are overwhelmed with shame, local churches could be forced to offer multiple confessionals equipped with powder rooms and snack bars. The budget could suffer. Now that I think about it, people could resort to whipping themselves raw to defeat naughty urges when the Cialis pill lasts too long.

However, that would require dedication and money for ointment and bandages. I take it back.

If Les is right (no pun intended), his "cafeteria" Roman Catholics and defiant pew-sitters might go so far as to stop vilifying those born with different sexual orientation. He's right. Homosexuals are destroying traditional marriages so fast it's hard to count. I can tell you, for a fact, this left-wing liberal publication fails to report the thousands of once-happy traditional marriages among its own readership that have been ruined by under the cover queers. (Dear reader, think about your own neighbors and friends who have split the sheet just because a homosexual butted in.)

Holy hierarchy. Think of all the elitists, Hollywooders, university professors, libertines, Democrats to the core -- sham Christians all -- kneeling piously, crossing themselves for show, all the time believing that what's being handed out is not real blood and meat, but symbolic wine and wafers. I shudder at the magnitude of the sinful rebellion.

If Les is right (and who dares deny it?), I think Pope Benedict must hasten to our country to see a few over-educated, elitist, Democrat stinkpot cafeteria Roman Catholics like Glenn Staab hanged upside down by his fancy-pants. Or, absent a heartfelt confession on the rack, Les could personally burn him at the stake, Inquisition-style. The example would resonate far and wide. Frankly, I've gotten a little tired of Staab's outrageous humor and brutal common sense.

And then as we're encouraged to fuss about everybody else's willie winkies, the devout Rep neo-conservatives can get on with privatizing Social Security and Medicare, scrapping the public education system, cutting bothersome regulations for corporations, giving more tax breaks to the wealthy to increase the tinkle-on effect.

It's what Jesus would do. He was a conservative Rep, you know. Said so himself. Thanks to Les for bringing it all to our attention. Again. And again. And again.