The sign said, "It is your responsibility to pick up after your pet," complete with the number of the local statute. You would think that would be a common sense thing, but it obviously isn't. I have no idea why pet owners think the world is their own little sewer.

I don't think you can have too many of these signs. I asked for one to be placed in my yard -- even offering to pay for it. You see, I have nothing against dogs; but I don't own a dog, because I don't want to pick up dog poop. That doesn't stop dog owners from allowing their pets to drop a Stanley Steamer in my front yard and then walking away. Pick it up!

Anyway, I often drive by the vacant lot and see dog owners walking their dogs for their potty break. But, I also see kids playing in that lot which doubles as a pet toilet.

It just isn't very sanitary.

I applaud city staff and wish to offer one more suggestion. As you probably realize by now, this is a big pet peeve of mine. So, I suggest you cancel the helicopter for Oktoberfest and request it as often as you can get it and use it to enforce the "pick up your own dog poop" law.

* * *

We went out to Catherine on Sunday to watch a softball tournament -- but not for the ballgame. We went out to listen to the "play-by-play" announcing of Harold Dorzweiler and Ramon Schmidt. Their radio names are Homer Dorkenbecker and Elmer Cosell, and the radio call letters are KUTZ & FUTZ and they have the "giveaway" T-shirts to prove it. For those of you non-versed in the German language, kutz is vomit and futz is flatulence.

They are hilarious. Political correctness takes a holiday as these two talk non-stop, taking time signaling folks in the crowd to pick on. They remind us from time to time they broadcast in 35 different languages and seven different planets. I'll let you guess which planet they said gets the best reception.

We were there about an hour and a half, and during that time, the broadcasting duo patched into an Australian broadcast of the game, a Chinese broadcast and interviewed a pilot of 47 Kamikaze missions. As they "patched in" to the pilot, the crowd hears a plane dive-bombing and a crash with an immediate (complete with Japanese accent), "I OK." Asked what he attributes his successful survival of 47 Kamikaze missions, he replies, "I wear seat belt."

Softball is played a little differently during this tournament, as most of the fielders have a beer in hand. On one fly ball, the outfielder missed the ball, placed the beer in his mitt and tossed the ball to the infield with his now empty hand.

You also hear a different kind of strategy. One player was talking to another player, "We have to lose our next game." The other player asked, "Why?" The first player responded with, "If we win, we have to play again." The second player quickly agreed to the upcoming loss.

It is rumored another tournament is planned for the fall. We'll be there.

* * *

Phill "What surprises you about me lying about running for district attorney?" Kline threw his hat in the ring for Johnson County district attorney. Moderate and conservative Republicans were stunned he would go back on his word. My response, "Where have you been?"

But from a Democrat and a columnist, my only words are "Thank you."

* * *

A few years ago, I was golfing with my good friend, Neil Hawley, in Garden City. As we drove up to the tee box, there were two wasps on a sign. I said, "I hate wasps" and promptly grabbed my cell phone, called a Hays pest control company, and asked them to spray my house for wasps as soon as possible.

Hawley was looking at me funny, so I asked him, "What's the matter?" He replied, "Two things. Did you think they were going to fly to your house today? And, who has the phone number of a pest control company memorized?"

I told him: "I hate wasps."

Fast forward to last Saturday. I discovered a wasp, along with a wasp's nest, on a chair as we unfolded it on a friend's driveway. I immediately retreated to the garage, where I was relating my Garden City wasp story to some folks in the garage. As my wife was beating the chair with a broom, the wasp ignored her, flew past another six people and picked me out in the back of the garage and stung me.

I think they should hunt down wasps with helicopters.