Just for openers, the otherwise unidentified "soft-spoken Amish man's" contribution has nothing to do with the efficiency of the heating element. His contribution was the illusion of real flames with no smell, no ashes, and... no heat, and presumably the assembly of the cabinet.

The actual heating element was developed by a "Chinese genuis," made in China and shipped to the U.S. It produces "an amazing" 5119 BTU's of heat from1500 watts of electric power. I don't doubt it.

The problem here is that 1500 watts always produces that much. That's whether you paid $30 for a 1500 watt heater with fan which also produces -- you guessed it -- 119 BTUs -- or whether you shelled out $298 for the Amish miracle. In fact, the $30 heater I bought locally this winter keeps our small bathroom warm for Better Half's ten minutes au naturale shower time. Me, ever the fiscal conservative, I towel dry briskly with no extra heat.

Of course, if we turned off our central heating and stayed cozy in our bathroom, we might save on the heating bill. There are even cheaper alternatives. Our 900 watt toaster, continuously toasting, wouldn't quite equal the fancy Heat Surge but would use 40 percent less electricity.

A more equal match would be fifteen 100 watt incandescent light bulbs lit continuously in, say, our bedroom -- provided we shut the door. Of course, Bogue is a small town, and people would talk.

Doubtless to avoid charges of fraudulent advertising, these marketing skunks for Universal Media Syndicate in Canton, Ohio, tell us the heater is "free." What you pay for is the fake flames and the cheap cabinet. Helluva deal.

Amy Saunder's story "Customers say they got burned by heater ad" (Columbus Dispatch, Feb. 20th) is a good overview of the problem. Saunders reports that 54 complaints had already been written to the Canton (OH) Better Business Bureau, and another 19 to the Ohio Attorney General.

A similar story appeared in the Tulsa World February 28th. Action Line editor Phil Mulkins wrote, "We hope no-one has been taken in by this 'Heat Surge Roll 'n Glow Amish fireplace... It's really an amusing ad, if you know anything about electric heat, flimflam and gullibility."

In Houston Chronicle, Consumer Watch columnist David Ellison says of the Heat Surge full-page promotion which appeared in his own paper Jan. 24th, "Occasionally, I run across an ad that causes me to pull out my hair. What little I have left." This one did.

Well, some otherwise decent and trusting true believers still believe Pinocchio Flight Jacket (aka George W. Bush) didn't lie us into Iraq.

So I'll guess then some decent and trusting readers hereabout actually ordered a "free" Heat Surge heater developed by that Chinese genius -- and out of the fullness of their hearts and the vacancy of their noggins shelled out $298 for veneered plywood cabinets with a mantle that looks like it's on fire.

I'd also guess many of the suckers were retirees on fixed incomes or working stiffs hoping to save a few bucks.

This paper didn't help by printing the ad. Twice.