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« Who's Your Daddy | Main | Liberators Imprison Populations of Innocent Citizens »


God Hates the Cheesemakers

By Steve Creason
April 22, 2007

Hey, it's Sunday. Yesterday I was browsing through a little crooksandliars.com on a commercial break during a playoff game (and if you must know, God's team won...). In the comments section under an article someone posted a link to a BBC documentary about a church in these great United States of America where the primary tenet was that our nation is on God's s@#$-list because we are too nice to gay people. This is a "christian" church, or so they insist. And I'm not posting a link to the video or citing the name of the group...just as I would have never aired the ravings of the shooter down in Virginia or an angry message from a father stuck in a child custody dispute...

First off I have to tell that our BBC host wasn't up to the task. He was pretty bad. And I think he had the hots for one of the minister's granddaughters, which made for some compelling if mildly disturbing viewing. Anyway, I need to bird walk just a little, so bear with me...

I made sure my kids got to church, but I also made a point that they were familiar with the classics of modern cinema, and in relation to their religious upbringing I made sure they watched Monty Python's, "The Life of Brian." One of the highlights of that film (besides the lesson in latin) was the crowd scene during The Sermon on the Mount. The two points I wanted my kids to take away from that were that the teachings of Christ have been passed down to us through human hands and that as soon as the words were uttered people were interpreting them ("I believe he's referring to makers of dairy products in general...").

However, I think we can all agree that what we have of the Sermon on the Mount is the primary message passed down to all of us and all of our ancestors and to all of our heirs. So let's just look at the Beatitudes for a moment.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (Unless they're a minority that I don't particularly care for)

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. (Unless they're mourning the pointless death of their children in Virginia or someplace like that, in which case I'll use the event for political hay, yeah baby!)

Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth. (Nah, he didn't really mean this one, I don't think)

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. (Well, that all depends...if they hunger and thirst for it but slip and have a tryst with an overwight intern they're going straight to hell, sorry, that's just what the Lord tells me.)

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. (Except you must note the previous caveat and understand that right after they receive mercy they're going straight to hell.)

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. (And this is why I know that I'm the only SOB on the planet who has seen God!)

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. (Oh geeeeeez, you know you can't peace without a little war first...it's yin and yang thing, or maybe a Tang thing, enjoyed by all the astronuats.)

Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
(Once again, it's all a matter of perception and if you don't agree with me you're still going straight to hell.)

Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. (And I just you to understand that I'm increasing your blessing quotient when I stick this knife in your back! You're welcome!)

Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. (Yeahhhh, you can have your reward in heaven, but in the mean time I've got a summer home in the Hamptons and I'm driving a big fat SUV! Isn't life grand?)

Anyway, just wanted to pass some of the musings on to the rest of you...I think there's a bball game on now, so I must be going.

Be blessed, know that you are loved...honest...I mean that one...


Comments (1)

ally:

god.... i sure love cheese... :) great blog this was fun

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About This Page

This page contains one single entry posted to Everyday Citizen on April 22, 2007 12:03 PM.

The post previous to this one is titled "Who's Your Daddy"

The post that follows this one is titled "Liberators Imprison Populations of Innocent Citizens"

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